9:17
When he says "I want to please you sexually', what he really means is "I need you to orgasm"
Schahrzad Morgan
Overview
This video challenges the common assumption that a man's primary goal in pleasing a woman sexually is to make her orgasm. The speaker argues that for many women, sexual satisfaction is more about feeling desired, present, and aroused by their partner's engagement, rather than solely achieving climax. The video explores the difference between male and female sexual responses and emphasizes the importance of emotional connection, sensuality, and mutual enjoyment over performance-based goals like achieving an orgasm.
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Chapters
- Men often believe pleasing a woman sexually means ensuring she orgasms, but this is a misconception.
- For many women, sexual pleasure is about feeling present, aroused, and desired by their partner.
- A woman can achieve orgasm independently; the partner's engagement is about shared experience and arousal, not just the end result.
- Focusing solely on orgasm overlooks other crucial elements of female sexual satisfaction like emotional connection and sensuality.
Understanding this misconception is crucial for partners to move beyond a performance-oriented approach to sex and focus on building genuine intimacy and mutual pleasure.
The speaker states that while a partner going down on her might be a 'relational thing' in a committed relationship, her immediate desire is to feel aroused and noticed, not necessarily to orgasm every time.
- Men often experience a distinct sense of calm and relaxation after orgasm, which can be mistaken for the sole measure of satisfaction.
- Women, in contrast, do not typically feel drained or significantly more relaxed after orgasm; their experience is less about a post-climax state and more about the ongoing arousal and connection.
- The male focus on orgasm as a goal may stem from their own satisfying experience of receiving oral sex and subsequent relaxation.
- This difference in response highlights why a woman's pleasure isn't solely defined by her ability to orgasm.
Recognizing these differing responses helps partners appreciate that sexual satisfaction is not a one-size-fits-all experience and requires tailored attention.
The speaker contrasts the male post-orgasm state of feeling 'flooded with oxytocin' and becoming 'more talkative' and 'relaxed' with her own post-orgasm feeling of 'Now what are we doing?'
- Arousal for women is often a gradual process involving feeling desired, appreciated, and excited.
- Sensual touch, presence, and emotional connection are key drivers of female arousal.
- Interactive and face-to-face activities, like kissing and holding, enhance intimacy and arousal more than purely mechanical stimulation.
- Frontal, chest-to-chest contact in various positions fosters a sense of closeness and connection.
These elements are vital for creating a fulfilling sexual experience that goes beyond physical acts and fosters deeper intimacy.
The speaker prefers manual stimulation (using fingers) while holding and kissing her partner, emphasizing face-to-face contact, over cunnilingus where the partner is positioned away from her.
- Women's sexual preferences are diverse; what pleases one may not please another.
- Authenticity and spontaneity are more appealing than a rehearsed or performative approach to sex.
- Activities like foot massages or eye gazing can be highly pleasurable and contribute to overall satisfaction, even if they aren't directly orgasm-focused.
- It's important for partners to communicate and explore individual desires rather than relying on assumptions.
Acknowledging and exploring individual differences allows for a more personalized and satisfying sexual connection, moving away from generic expectations.
The speaker mentions that while some women love cunnilingus, she personally does not, and that some women enjoy G-spot stimulation while others do not, highlighting the need for personalized exploration.
Key takeaways
- Sexual pleasure for women is often more about feeling desired, present, and aroused than solely achieving orgasm.
- Men's focus on causing female orgasm may stem from their own satisfying sexual experiences and a misunderstanding of female arousal.
- Emotional connection, sensuality, and mutual engagement are critical components of female sexual satisfaction.
- Differentiation between male and female post-orgasm responses highlights the need for varied approaches to intimacy.
- Interactive and face-to-face sexual activities enhance connection and arousal for many women.
- Authentic communication and exploration of individual preferences are more effective than following a sexual script.
- Arousal is a gradual process for women, often enhanced by feeling appreciated and desired.
Key terms
Female sexualitySexual satisfactionOrgasmArousalSensualityEmotional connectionMale sexual responseFemale sexual responseIntimacyCunnilingus
Test your understanding
- What does the speaker suggest men often misunderstand when they say they want to 'please' a woman sexually?
- How does the speaker differentiate the post-orgasm experience between men and women?
- What elements, besides direct genital stimulation, does the speaker identify as crucial for female arousal and satisfaction?
- Why is a 'scripted' or 'performative' approach to sex less effective for pleasing many women?
- How can partners better understand and cater to individual sexual preferences?