6:00
Let's try emotional correctness | Sally Kohn
TED
Overview
This video argues that emotional correctness, which focuses on tone, respect, and compassion in communication, is more crucial for political persuasion than political correctness. The speaker, a progressive commentator on Fox News, shares her experiences receiving hate mail and debasing those with opposing views. She emphasizes that understanding the underlying emotions and fears of those with different beliefs, and approaching them with empathy, is key to building common ground and fostering meaningful dialogue, ultimately leading to potential change.
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Chapters
- The speaker, a progressive on Fox News, faces significant hate and opposition due to her identity and views.
- The volume and intensity of negative feedback (hate mail, tweets) are overwhelming.
- This extreme environment highlights the breakdown in civil discourse and the personal toll it takes.
Understanding the speaker's personal experience of hostility provides a visceral context for why a new approach to communication is necessary.
Receiving 238 pieces of nasty email and countless hate tweets in a single week, including insults like 'idiot,' 'traitor,' 'scourge,' 'cunt,' and 'ugly man.'
- Political correctness, focused on the right words, is less important than emotional correctness.
- Emotional correctness is about the tone, feeling, respect, and compassion conveyed in communication.
- It's not about agreeing with the words used, but about the intent and manner behind them.
- Effective persuasion starts with emotional connection, not just ideas or facts.
This chapter introduces the core concept, shifting the focus from what is said to how it is said, which is fundamental to the video's argument.
The speaker doesn't care if she's called a 'dyke,' but she cares if it's spelled correctly (D-Y-K-E) and, more importantly, if the word is used with hostility or friendliness.
- Liberals can be 'politically right' but 'emotionally wrong' by being self-righteous, condescending, and dismissive.
- This emotional incorrectness alienates people and prevents them from being heard.
- Even those with opposing political views, like Sean Hannity, can exhibit impressive emotional correctness, making them more persuasive.
This section critiques common communication failures on the speaker's own side, highlighting how being 'right' intellectually doesn't guarantee effective influence.
The speaker's initial expectation of 'knuckle-dragging' liberals at Fox News was an example of being emotionally incorrect due to prejudice.
- To persuade others, one must first be listened to, which requires emotional connection.
- Finding compassion for others' underlying fears and motivations is key to bridging divides.
- This involves trying to understand the 'why' behind someone's strong opinions, even if you disagree with them.
- Building common ground requires a conscious effort to practice empathy, even with those who hold opposing views.
This chapter provides actionable strategies for practicing emotional correctness by focusing on empathy and understanding the root causes of differing viewpoints.
Trying to understand someone who hates immigrants by imagining their fear of community change, or someone disliking teachers' unions by considering their distress over their child's school quality.
- Practicing emotional correctness is a continuous, challenging effort, akin to a 'political-spiritual practice'.
- Despite the difficulty, positive connections can be forged even with those who disagree.
- When someone listens because of *how* you communicate, not just *what* you say, a connection is formed.
- This connection, built on emotional correctness, is the foundation for meaningful conversations and real change.
This concluding section reinforces the central message by illustrating how emotional correctness, though difficult, leads to genuine connection and the potential for positive change.
Receiving a letter from someone who disagrees with the speaker's politics but admires her as a person, indicating they are listening because of the connection formed.
Key takeaways
- Focusing on emotional correctness—tone, respect, and compassion—is more effective for persuasion than solely adhering to political correctness.
- Effective communication requires understanding and addressing the underlying emotions and fears of those with different viewpoints.
- Being 'politically right' is insufficient if one is 'emotionally wrong,' as it alienates potential listeners.
- Empathy towards those with opposing views is crucial for building common ground and fostering dialogue.
- Genuine connection, built through how we communicate, is the prerequisite for meaningful conversations and societal change.
- Persuasion begins not with facts or ideas, but with establishing an emotional connection.
Key terms
Emotional CorrectnessPolitical CorrectnessPersuasionEmpathyCommon GroundDiscourseCompassionTone
Test your understanding
- What is the difference between political correctness and emotional correctness?
- Why is emotional correctness considered more important for persuasion than political correctness?
- How can understanding the underlying emotions of others help in bridging political divides?
- What are the potential pitfalls of being 'politically right' but 'emotionally wrong'?
- How does the speaker suggest one can begin to build common ground with people who hold opposing views?