50:50
Ride Your Own Pleasure
Embodied Love | Dr. Saida Desilets & Aaron Michael
Overview
This video challenges the prevailing narrative that most women primarily achieve orgasm through external clitoral stimulation, arguing this view is perpetuated by the sexual wellness industry for profit. It asserts that this limited perspective can hinder women's exploration of their full sexual potential and capacity for diverse orgasmic experiences, including those involving vaginal stimulation. The speakers advocate for a more embodied, self-aware approach to sexuality, emphasizing the importance of internal exploration, emotional processing, and following pleasure rather than solely chasing orgasm. They draw parallels to other areas where women's capabilities have been underestimated and encourage listeners to trust their own body intelligence.
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Chapters
- Dominant statistics suggest women's orgasms are almost exclusively from external clitoral stimulation, implying limited biological capacity for other forms of orgasm.
- This narrative is often promoted by the sexual wellness industry, where toys and educators are major revenue drivers.
- This limited view can disempower women, restrict their sexual experiences, and retrain neural pathways away from diverse orgasmic potential.
- The speakers believe this narrative is not only inaccurate but also harmful, stemming from a system that profits from disempowering women.
Understanding how and why certain narratives about female sexuality are promoted is crucial for recognizing and dismantling limiting beliefs that can impact personal sexual well-being and exploration.
The analogy of telling girls they can only walk and never run, leading to underdeveloped muscles and inability to run, illustrates how societal narratives can limit biological potential.
- The multi-billion dollar sexual wellness industry, particularly pornography and sex toys, profits from promoting specific sexual experiences.
- Educators who promote these products can inadvertently reinforce the idea that penetration is not for women and that only external clitoral stimulation leads to orgasm.
- This focus on external clitoral stimulation can lead to a conditioning of neural pathways, reducing the capacity for varied orgasmic experiences.
- Critiques about correlation versus causation are often dismissed when consistent client experiences and studies show a different reality.
Recognizing the financial incentives behind sexual health information helps discern objective advice from marketing, empowering individuals to seek information that truly serves their well-being.
The speaker compares the narrative to telling girls they can only walk, not run, leading to a lack of development in their running capabilities, mirroring how focusing only on clitoral stimulation limits other sexual potentials.
- Individual body intelligence and self-awareness are more important than expert opinions, including those presented in this video.
- Many people, even sex educators, may not have explored their own full sexual potential, leading to limited teaching.
- Skipping over difficult emotions during self-pleasure also means skipping over potential bliss and deeper connection.
- True sexual exploration requires feeling all emotions, not just seeking quick orgasms via external stimulation like vibrators.
Prioritizing personal embodied experience over external validation fosters self-trust and agency in one's sexual journey, leading to more authentic and fulfilling experiences.
A sex educator admitting they've never explored internal stimulation themselves, despite teaching about sexuality, highlights the disconnect between professional knowledge and personal practice.
- The idea that 'everything is the clitoris' oversimplifies female anatomy and ignores the interconnectedness of the entire CUV complex and internal structures.
- Direct experience reveals that internal stimulation can be highly pleasurable and contribute to varied orgasms, contrary to the limited narrative.
- Sex educators who primarily promote external stimulation with toys might be influenced by sponsorships, limiting the scope of their teachings.
- A lack of education on diverse stimulation methods, including internal exploration, hinders women's ability to experience their full sexual potential.
Understanding the full range of female anatomy and its potential for pleasure challenges the notion of limited capacity and opens the door to richer, more varied sexual experiences.
The speaker questions educators who claim 'everything is the clitoris' by asking if they teach stimulation beyond external methods and why different women experience different sensations with different stimulation types.
- Significant shifts in understanding often come from 'outliers' who challenge established norms, even when initially dismissed.
- The analogy of breast milk, which intelligently adapts to a baby's needs based on interaction, highlights the potential for natural, responsive systems.
- This concept of natural, responsive intelligence can be applied to understanding female sexual response beyond rigid, pre-defined models.
- Challenging cognitive dissonance allows for a deeper investigation into what is truly possible for women's sexual experiences.
Recognizing the power of outlier perspectives encourages critical thinking and openness to new information that may contradict conventional wisdom, especially in areas like human sexuality.
An outlier doctor's discovery that a mother's breast milk composition changes based on the baby's saliva, initially met with skepticism, demonstrates how persistent observation can reveal complex natural processes.
- Many women are 'frozen' in their bodies, lacking pelvic mobility and breath awareness, often due to societal conditioning and lack of practice.
- Pornography often teaches performative sounds and movements that are not aligned with genuine, embodied pleasure.
- Women often prioritize their partner's pleasure over their own, sometimes by performing rather than feeling.
- Developing agency involves using breath, hip movement, and vocalization to follow pleasure, not just chase orgasm.
Reclaiming physical embodiment and practicing pleasure-focused techniques can unlock deeper sexual experiences and improve overall well-being, transforming both self-pleasure and partnered sex.
In classes, women are often observed to be 'frozen,' sucking in their bellies, with stiff hips and immobile groins, indicating a disconnect from their bodies.
- Sexual stimulation can be a tool for processing difficult emotions, building emotional resilience and freedom.
- Following pleasure, rather than chasing orgasm, leads to a richer, more varied, and sustainable experience.
- This approach enhances overall well-being, as the nervous system becomes conditioned to seek and recognize pleasure.
- In partnered sex, focusing on connection and mutual pleasure exploration, rather than solely on orgasm, creates a more adventurous and nourishing dynamic.
Integrating emotional processing with sexual practice and prioritizing pleasure over orgasm can lead to greater emotional freedom, resilience, and a more profound sense of connection and satisfaction.
The metaphor of a walk in the park illustrates that focusing on the journey (pleasure) yields multiple 'wins' (sensations, sights, sounds) rather than just a single goal (reaching the destination/orgasm).
- Many women experience a 'one and done' orgasm, with subsequent attempts being less intense or even painful.
- This is often due to chasing a single orgasm rather than exploring different sensations and maintaining arousal.
- Practicing self-touch after an orgasm, focusing on different areas or sensations, can lead to multiple orgasms and a broader range of pleasure.
- This approach enhances sexual health by increasing blood flow to the genitals and fostering consistent arousal.
Understanding how to cultivate multiple orgasms and maintain arousal shifts the focus from a singular event to a sustained experience of pleasure, enhancing both sexual health and satisfaction.
Studies measuring clitoral blood flow showed significantly diminished flow in most women, which dramatically increased after learning techniques to maintain arousal and explore pleasure beyond a single orgasm.
Key takeaways
- The dominant narrative about female orgasm is often shaped by industry profits, not necessarily biological reality.
- Women possess a greater sexual capacity than commonly portrayed; exploration beyond external clitoral stimulation is possible and beneficial.
- Prioritizing self-awareness and embodied intelligence is key to unlocking personal sexual potential.
- Sexual pleasure is not just about orgasm; the journey and sensations leading up to it offer significant hormonal and emotional benefits.
- Processing emotions through sexual practice can build resilience and deepen intimacy.
- Cultivating sustained arousal and exploring multiple orgasms leads to richer sexual experiences and improved genital health.
- Trusting your own body's signals and intelligence is paramount in navigating sexual exploration.
Key terms
SexertsClitoral stimulationVaginal orgasmSexual wellness industryNeural pathwaysBody intelligenceEmbodied explorationCUV complexOutlier perspectiveSustained arousalFollowing pleasure
Test your understanding
- How might the financial incentives within the sexual wellness industry influence the information presented about female orgasm?
- What is the difference between 'chasing an orgasm' and 'following pleasure,' and why does this distinction matter for sexual experience?
- How can the concept of 'body intelligence' empower individuals to explore their sexuality beyond expert advice?
- What are the potential benefits of using sexual stimulation as a practice for emotional processing and resilience?
- Why is it important to challenge the narrative that women's sexual capacity is limited primarily to external clitoral stimulation?